And then there are those days!

There is a happy day!

And then there are those days when all I want to do is just lie in bed and sulk. Maybe cry, but tears have their way of being stubborn when you want them to show up but boy, when you really want to be strong, the steady stream overflows. I want to scream yet I want to remain quiet. I want people to ask me what is wrong and at the same time, hit them till they cry out in astonishment as to how such a tiny body encompasses so much strength. I want to break the curfew rules and storm out but the prospect of getting all sweaty in the scorching heat reins me back in. I want my room to be dark but at the same time I want the sun to shine through my window grills. I want to order in and eat a lot of junk food but my debit card doesn't seem to agree with that idea. I want to be loved but I don’t want to get hurt by love. I don’t want to put up a smile and walk around to maintain the reputation of a carefree happy-go-lucky girl. I want to sleep yet I want to phub. I want to write down my feelings but I am scared my thoughts will fall into someone’s hands and oh, the disaster! I want to stomp my feet in frustration but I simply don’t seem to have the energy. I want to go home but I have the fear of missing out something major here. I want to talk to people about what I’m going through but I stop knowing that they would be going through worse. I want to walk away from all of that which is pulling me and caging me in yet I want to fulfill my duties to my fullest. I want to ask people why they think I have hurt them when there is deep pain within me, each time they turn their gazes away from me. I want to smile with my eyes but they’re too tired now. I am going to bed now. These paradoxical thoughts are driving me up the wall.

Tomorrow is a happy day, still untouched!