To Whomsoever It May Concern

To whomsoever it may concern,

I am not going to do the mistake that few prominent celebrities did in July by addressing this to a particular person of authority. I am living a quite-so-peaceful life and I am not interested in making it not-so-peaceful. I’m satisfied seeing FIRs filed in movies, definitely not interested in getting one.

So dear ‘whomsoever’, I’m just going to call you Sirji. I’ve always wanted to address someone this way. You see, being born and brought up in a Malayali household and residing in Chennai, I’ve never been able to use my broken Hindi which I learnt from watching serials on Star Plus. And there I go rambling again. Sirji, this is the problem with all of my monologues: I start in India and I travel all the way to Uganda, traversing Africa and Columbia and Czechoslovakia.

Although you may smile at my vain attempts to be humorous, I urge you to stop smiling. You ask why, Sirji? (I think I am borrowing this style from Mr. Mathrubootham, don’t you think?) I am really angry. Furious. Enraged. Indignant. Exasperated! Actually speaking, I have toned down a little. You see Sirji, these emotions are 2 days old. Do you remember what it was 2 days ago? Let me jog your memory: Diwali Eve! Now what was taught to you and me about Diwali in Class 1? Diwali is a festival of lights. We remember Rama coming back from his exile and we light diyas to welcome him. We wear new clothes. We exchange sweets and gifts. I love Diwali! That is what I learnt. However, being the Indians we are, we love adding extra masala to the story and so came the concept of firecrackers or patakhas in local language.

Let me share my experience, dated 2 days old: I’ve been living in Chennai for the past 2 years now. Sirji, I am a normal college-going student, staying in a hostel, far away from my home (This is not an attempt to evoke sentiments, although that would be a bonus). Every year during Diwali, I am excited! Because it is Diwali? No! Because it is a holiday! What a joy to while away the time guiltlessly! That is what I think every year and every year, I am mistaken. The day is beautiful Sirji, the night is not. You would be thinking why is this girl going round and round? Again she is going to Czechoslovakia. Ayyo no Sirji, this time the story is going in a straight line. In my first year in college, Diwali morning passed by uneventfully. The evening however was a shock to a me, a mild asthmatic. There was noise, mind you deafening noise and lots and lots of smoke! Like when you open the freezer and so much white smoke comes out! Like that, Sirji! Being the attention-seeker I am, I called my father who called my mother who called my sister who called my hostelmate who ran to my room to see me and boy, was I a sight! With a dupatta wrapped around my head and ears and nose and mouth, I was lying in a fetal position on the cot. Feeling sorry, they had to take me to their room and nurse the paavam me till the white smoke went away. That was first year! So the second year, I was fully prepared. With a surgical mask across my face, I walked around college, earning odd stares for my eccentric behavior. Whatever, Sirji! People don’t need a reason to stare.

However third year Diwali infuriated me. I thought last year no? it is okay. I will bear it. It is namma Chennai no? Namma ooru no? Namma people no? But they are not thinking like that, Sirji! This year, from Diwali eve onwards, they are giving me kutti kutti heart attacks. Starting sharp at 6 p.m., tto tto tto!!! EVERYDAY!!! Each time, I say ayyo, it is over and the next second tto tto tto! And Sirji, I am having my semester exams this week. Abnormal Psychology. 30+ disorders, each with its own DSM 5 criteria and causes and prevalence and treatment. But instead of studying what was I doing? Cursing the dratted patakhas. My heart was going dhak dhak, dhak dhak, dhak dhak, clear and catastrophic. And then I cried. Sirji, you doubt me? Ask my best friend, she was the one who had to wipe the salt away from my face. I did not study that night. I slept by 10 p.m. and I woke up at 2 a.m. to study and I had to survive the entire day with 4 hours of sleep. The paavam dogs in my campus were cooped up in corners. Was there any need, Sirji? Why can’t one house burst 2 crackers, okay, maximum 5? Why does each person burst hundred crackers?

The day after Diwali, Quint took to the streets in Delhi to check the pollution level with the Air Quality Index monitor. A healthy AQI ranges from 0-50 and in few areas in Delhi, it was above 400. Let me take you to Kerala: Did you know Sirji, there is a firecracker called garbhamkalakki which literally translates to say ‘abortion-inducer’. During the festivities, pregnant ladies are asked to stay away from the grounds because they would be bursting the above-mentioned cracker. All for the sake of some sound? When did we become so insensitive to the nature and people around us? Is the temporary joy of the noise and fascinating display of fireworks worth the stress and health problems caused and the number of lives lost? I understand that a lot of people depend on this festive season and their annual income comes from this week of sales. But Sirji, don’t you think it is time for the authorities to take action and create new jobs for these people? It would be difficult for them but can we all try looking at the big picture here? Arey, jiyo aur jeene do, yaar!

Sincerely,

Me.

A dog in our campus

Picture Courtesy: Varsha